Our Miracle

This is really hard for me to do.

My mom told me that I should write my story down, to remember always, and to help me work past how I'm feeling. It's been just over a week from the accident and I feel like I need to write it down. To help with my anxiety, to help me face it on a deeper level, and most importantly for me to remember the glorious blessings we were given; our miracle.

Never in my life did I think this would happen to me, to us. Having children is a beautiful thing but with it comes fear. I've never really been an anxious person but I have always had a great fear of one of my loved ones passing away, more specifically one of my children or my husband. Of course I don't linger on the thought but it comes in and out of my mind every now and then. 

The day it happened I will never forget. I will never forget the horrible, heart wrenching, sickening feeling of panic. Panic that my baby is lost, panic that my baby won't live to go to school, find his best friend, marry in the temple or serve the Lord. 

It was a cloudy and cold day. Not unlikely in Island Park, but it definitely gives us a little bit of cabin fever. We were dressed in long sleeves and pants and when the afternoon hit and daddy, grandpa and some more cousins were arriving from Salt Lake, we were pretty excited. The van of cousins, Aunt Bridget and Grandpa arrived and all of the kids immediately began to play together. Tyson showed up soon after and we all began to help unload my pregnant sister in law's things, while Rosie and Owen laughed and ran around talking about fishing and playing outside together. They were elated to see each other and I remember it making me feel so glad she was there to make Owen so happy. The kids continued to play and Graham joined right along with them, also finding his twin cousins a few months younger to torture and tease.

All of the adults were very preoccupied, unloading, tending the children, and moving around stuff to make room upstairs. Tyson and I were in the kitchen, putting down a box, when 

Tyson suddenly looked out the window to our dock and saw Rosie standing on the dock and a figure right beneath the water.

He immediately realized someone was under there and not a minute later, did we both realize it was Owen. He ran out the the door yelling that Owen was in the water. I ran right after him yelling back to everyone for someone to call 911. I followed Tyson down the hill to the dock where he threw off his shoes and dove right into the water. I yelled for someone to call 911 again and right before I went to dive in I was stopped. I was stopped by the spirit to wait.

The feeling of sheer panic was overwhelming. I wanted to cry but I couldn't. Instead I made some yelling, breathless type of noise over and over again while my mind was racing and in denial of what was happening before my eyes. Immediately I wanted to throw up. The water was dark and we didn't see a thing. Not a splash, nothing. Nothing to help us find our little boy. All we knew was that he was under there, struggling, not swimming; drowning. I remember just being so panicked I wanted to puke. I watched as Tyson dove and dove again not able to find my precious son. My sister in law and father in law began diving as well. Tyson yelled to me that he couldn't see anything and he was becoming so panicked I was worried he wouldn't physically be able to continue his search. I ran all the way up to the cabin, to the second floor and grabbed some goggles. I didn't know what else to do. The kids were all crying inside and I felt so bad leaving them as I raced down to the dock. I was about to throw Tyson the goggles when a man came from nowhere in his swimsuit and immediately dove in to help. I was so grateful for him I can't even explain. He looked fit and I knew his energy was so so so greatly needed. By now my mother in law had called the ambulance, my sister in law was trying to get my father in law to stop diving (he's 65) and my other (pregnant) sister in law is on the dock, like me, praying for them to find him. Five minutes had passed and the man came up with Owen. He was on the bottom of the lake floor, at least 12-14 feet down. 

Immediately I felt some strange source of peace that as I look back upon, I know was keeping me from falling a part as I looked and assessed my sweet boy. He was purple and blue, chest extended from water, eyes rolled back and tongue coming out. No mother should ever have to see her child this way. Tyson couldn't find a pulse and he wasn't breathing. I immediately knew that Tyson would save him and know what to do. He laid him carefully on the ground and he began CPR. I began to cry but no tears came. Just horror once again and a strong panic feeling. To keep from throwing up, I looked at Tyson to tell me what I could do to help. He told me to start rescue breathing. The "angel man" helped keep his chin up and head back while I plugged Owen's nose, opened his mouth and gave him long breaths. They came right back to me. I did another one and another one and another one. Tyson then did one long and forceful breath and Owen began to throw up. It came out of his nose and mouth everywhere. This gave us a small amount of hope. But still no pulse and no breathing. I continued to give long breaths like Tyson did and Owen was a good boy and continued to throw up and throw up some more. We would stop and put him on his side so he wouldn't choke and then go at it again and again and again. Between breaths I would pray out loud and I remember at one point getting angry that this accident happened. We continued for 6 to 8 minutes until we finally heard Owen began to sort of breath. They were like grunts you would hear from someone who had just been punched in the stomach. His teeth were clenched and there was a loud gurgling sound as he struggled to take a breath. Still no sign of conciousness but Tyson finally found a pulse. My heart warmed just a bit. As this was going on my sweet sister in laws were taking off his wet clothes and wrapping him in towels and blankets.

We heard the Sherriff and the security gaurd had arrived, so we carried Owen up to the porch outside our cabin to meet them. As they met us, the security gaurd brought an O2 tank and Tyson secured the mask over Owen's mouth. Owen continued to struggle to breath, teeth clenched and very stiff. His coloring had come back a bit and I immediately began to comfort him the best I could. I stroked his hair back as I talked firmly and lovingly to him in his ear that he was okay and that he could do it and that we loved him. I felt his body somewhat relax as I talked to him as we waited for what seemed like days for the ambulance to arrive. While we waited, Owen had a seizure due to the lack of oxygen. It was scary but didn't last too horribly long and he relaxed again as I continued to comfort him. Just then Courtney my sister in law came out with some blessed oil. Tyson annointed him and my father in law Roger gave him a Priesthood blessing. 

The ambulance arrived and we quickly helped them carry Owen to the bed inside. He was reacting now to certain things we were doing and I could tell he was very very cold and aggitated. The ambulance crew consisted of three older people who were volunteers. It had been about 20 to 25 minutes since my mother in law Jill had first called them. Sometimes it can be scary being in such a small town, away from proper medical care. Tyson helped immensely in the abulance since the others weren't as helpful as I had wished. The mama bear was coming out. I was frustrated that my baby couldn't recieve better care and nervous that he would regress as we waited there for Life Flight to come. They hooked up an oxygen reader to his toe and immediately his SAT's showed on the screen. His O2 level was in the mid 80's, absolutely amazing news. We walk around in the low 90's all the time. Immediately I felt more comfort but still so worried and anxious. I then began to think about his brain. I kept looking at Tyson and asking "Is his brain okay?" "Will his brain be okay?" Tyson reminded me that we will take him any way and of course we would. 

The helicopter landed about a half mile away and so the ambulance left the cabin and we took off toward the helicopter. While we were driving we were told that both of us might be able to ride with him but maybe just one of us would only be able to. While we drove I continued to talk to him, to comfort him and pray for him.

When we got to the helicopter, the flight nurses came in and told us that we both couldn't ride with them. My heart broke and I began to cry. Finally some tears came but oddly enough I was immediately comforted. I knew everything was going to be okay and Tyson continued to tell me so. He was so calm, collected and knowledgable. He saved our baby. I knew I needed to listen as he told me everything would be okay. As the nurse tried to put an IV in without luck, they decided they'd do one in route to Eastern Idaho Medical Center. I kissed my baby and told him he would be okay. He was now reacting to stimuli. Crying when they would adjust him, and fighting against the nurse putting the IV in. As they were prepping him to be put in the helicopter, one of the nurses grabbed my arm, looked me in the eye and said "Don't you worry. I will take care of him, hold him, and love him like my own. I am a grandmother 5 times." I immediately felt better and thanked her through my tears of gratitude.

As the helicopter flew off, Tyson grabbed me, pulled me close and held me so so tight as we both cried. I know that some of those tears were of relief but mostly we wanted to be with our little boy. It was all just so overwhelming. 

We then waited for my mother in law to come pick us up to drive the hour and a half to the hospital. The helicopter would get there in about 25 minutes. As we waited the Sherriff said to me that when his son was 5 years old, his skull was crushed from a horse. I was mortified and at first wondered why he would tell me such a sad story in the midst of everything. Then I asked him if he was okay and he looked away and back with teary eyes and said yes. He said he felt my pain and knew what we were going through. It was comforting. He was yet another angel among us. 

Tyson waited inside the ambulance to try to warm up, as he was still in his sopping wet clothes, and I waited eagerly for Jill to arrive. She got there about ten minutes later and we thanked everyone, hopped in the car and sped away. My mother in law asked me if she had the okay to speed there, and I said "Well I sure hope you will!" As we were driving, Tyson and I both sent out text messages to close friends. My mom had called while we were waiting for Jill to pick us up and I was able to cry to her as I tried to fill her in, then letting Tyson fill her in. But we immediately knew we needed help. We needed everyone's prayers. Little did we know that word would spread like wild fire and literally hundreds and hundreds of people would begin to pray for us. Not only pray but fast and go to the temple. As we drove I recieved so many comforting text messages that really helped me stay calm. I looked back at Tyson and he was shivering with a towel wrapped around him, still with his wet clothes on and told us that he was getting a migraine. His mom and I firmly instructed him to take them off and put on the new clothes that Jill had brought. He listened and afterwards decided to close his eyes and try to relax. Throughout the drive I continued to pray and cried and talked to Jill. Having her there was so comforting. We were making good time and after thirty minutes I called the hospital to see if Owen had arrived. I got connected to the PICU nurse and she told me he was doing well and had yet to open his eyes but was very responsive to their actions. They gave him a little bit of medicine to help calm him down because he was so mad at everyone for touching him. That was the best news yet. The doctor then talked to Tyson over the phone, wanting a few more details. I was relieved to hear that he was doing well.

As we approached our exit, I turned around to check on Tyson sitting in the back. He was pale, and did not look good at all. I tried to get his attention and he wouldn't respond to me. When he urged his eyes to open he told me he thought he was going into shock. He began to vomit over and over again and the sickening feeling in my stomach came back. I told him firmly that we needed him and that he needed to fight this. As we were getting closer to the hospital, he began to slur his words. Once we arrived I told Jill to take him into the ER as I found where Owen was. Tyson wanted it this way. He told me to go be with Owen and so I did. I knew Tyson would be fine and just needed an IV with some medications.

Once they found where Owen was, I ran to the elevators, up to the second floor, and down the hall to the doors to the PICU. As they let me in I was so eager to see my baby. They immediately took me to his room and as I rounded the corner, there I saw my beautiful baby boy. He was sleeping and all of his color had returned. His hair was dry and he looked so peaceful. No more clenched teeth, no more shivering little body and no more purple or pale coloring. He wasn't aggitated, he wasn't scared, he was calm. The joy I felt then is indiscribable. I knew my little boy was going to be okay. Now I just needed to hold him. The nurses began to fill me in and then the Pediatric Intensivist came to talk to me too. He said that it was a waiting game now. That in about ten to twelve hours we would know more about his brain activitiy. But that so far, the signs were looking positive. We would also wait to see if there was anything "growing" inside his lungs, since he ingested so much yucky lake water. I thanked him and the nurses and immediately asked if I could climb in bed with him. As the nurses told me about the PICU and their protocols I laid with my baby and held him. As I talked to him, he turned his little face toward me and began to cry. He didn't open his eyes but I knew he knew I was there. He quickly calmed and we laid there for a while. 

Jill came up and told me that Tyson was hooked to an IV and they were pumping him full of meds and that he wouldn't be discharged for another hour or so. The nurses then needed to suction Owen as he was sounding very congested in his lungs. This made Owen mad and he reacted as any other 3 year old would in the situation. All good signs. They told me that they would give him breathing treatments every 4 hours and wake him and check his pupils every 2 hours. As I laid back down with him I took a picture to send to friends letting them know that he was going to be okay.

They continued to monitor him and after an hour of being there, Owen began to shake a bit. I was nervous he was having another seizure but then remembered they told me they were giving him some anti-seizure medicine through his IV. I then realized he was grabbing the diaper they had put on him and immediately remembered this happening after his tonsil surgery a while back. I tried to wake him a bit by asking him if he had to go potty. He was super super out of it and said he did and began to cry and tell me he wanted to use the potty and not pee in his diaper. His speech was VERY slurred and made me a bit nervous. I carried him out of his bed and helped him stand and go pee into the big potty. I carried him back to his bed and he went right back to sleep. I kind of laughed because I felt so relieved to see "my Owen" back. It made me feel so at ease and the nurses agreed that this was a great sign neurologically. 

Jill decided she was going to check on Tyson and I told her to tell him this story so he would know that he really was okay. Owen woke up again from them fiddling with him and began searching for me with his arms extended, completely out of it, crying to go home. I softly told him I was right there and saw him open his eyes. He just stared at the nurse and didn't really acknowledge me before he went back to sleep. This bothered me a bit but the nurse reminded me that he was very out of it and we still needed to give him time. 

After about 2 hours of being there, Tyson was finally discharged and immediately was wheeled up to see us. Owen had woke another time crying for Tyson and so I was relieved in more ways than one that he was there. Tyson looked like crap and I felt so bad for him. Of course he is the strongest man I know and he immediately put all his attention on us. I could tell he was pleased at how well Owen looked and we both just held our baby close. 

The nurses filled him in on everything and told us we would most likely be there for a few days. It was now almost 11 o'clock/midnight. Owen woke up for his third time needing the bathroom and each time his speech got clearer and clearer. Jill then left since only two could be there and decided she would go lay down in the waiting room.

Around 2 in the morning, Owen woke up and looked at both of us with clarity for the first time. He then said to Tyson with his normal voice "Daddy, what's this on my arm (pointing to the IV)." Tyson told him and Owen said "Wow, that's really cool." Then he went back to sleep. We both smiled at each other and we knew that our Owen was back.

We decided to call it a night and tried to get a few hours of sleep. Tyson wasn't feeling well again and so I made him lay down on the pull out bed and go to sleep. I stayed right next to Owen in his bed and tried to sleep a little too. It was hard with people coming in every two hours to work and check on him. Not to mention his strong desire to pee in the big toilet about every thirty minutes or so. I think I maybe slept for thirty minutes but I was so happy to be holding my little boy.

I remember holding him in the quiet and stillness of that room and fervently thanking my Heavenly Father for saving my son. I cried my eyes out in gratitude and continued to cling to my little boy. The relief is indescribable.

As the sun rose and morning came, the doctor came back in to check on Owen and was floored at how well he was doing. His vitals looked amazing. They had him breathing without an oxygen mask, and his oxygen levels were at 100. And he was talking as quickly as ever. Our Owie boy was really back! He told us that we would still need to wait and it wouldn't be for 2 or 3 more days before any infection would appear. Since Owen ran a fever through the night, the doctor decided he wanted us to stay one more night to be monitored. He was also going to take him off his anti-seizure medicine and make sure he didn't have one; luckily it was only a %1 chance. They moved us to the floor unit where there was a play room and a more child friendly environment. We were happy about this since Owen was already dying to go home.

Here he is after they took off all of the cords and breathing mask, waiting to go to our new room. He thought the mini DVD player was pretty cool. :)

 

We thanked our nurses and were escorted to our new room. This floor was much more vibrant and happy. We liked the change of scenery.

After playing in the play room, Owen was pooped and so I went to lay down with him while Tyson drove his mom back to the cabin where he was going to shower, pick up Graham and bring he and my father in law back down. While I was napping with him, I had another emotional moment. The gratitude for my Heavenly Father's mercies were overwhelming. I still and don't think I will ever comprehend what He has blessed us with. A second chance for Owen. I cried yet again for my blessings and for the extreme amount of pain I had went through.

My mom and her husband, Dale, had immediately gotten in the car the night of the accident and drove from California through the night and got there while Owen was napping. I can't even explain how grateful I was to see her. I cried when she came in the room and just kept saying "it was so horrible mom. so horrible. i'm just so grateful." 

Graham and Roger shortly joined us as well as Gretchen and Judd who drove up from SLC. With each welcome of new family members, many tears were shed. Tears of sadness but mostly tears of extreme gratitude and joy.

Gretchen snapped these pictures during a time when Owen was struggling. He was tired and really wanted to go home and didn't understand why we needed to be there. I am grateful she got them. To remind me of our journey.

  

 We were well taken care of both physically and emotionally by family members and the hospital staff. Owen didn't eat anything the first few days and neither did Tyson and I. The anxiety we felt was immense and sickening still. Owen took another nap and Tyson left later in the evening to grab our things and spend the night at the cabin with Graham. Judd, Gretchen and Roger all went with him. My mom and Dale stayed until we were ready for bed and then got a hotel room across the street from the hospital. I finally was able to shower and change my clothes, brush my hair and brush my teeth. A shower never felt so good! I still felt sick to my stomach but was eager to snuggle my baby for the night. We both were able to sleep pretty soundly and they didn't bother us throughout the night. We got so much attention being one of two patients on the whole floor and everyone was blown away by our story. While we were waiting for the doctor to come by again, the angel flight nurse came back to check on us. She was amazed by how Owen looked! I was just combing his hair after dressing him to go home and she just kept commenting on how big he was and how cute he was. 

I will forever remember her.

The doctor came back and gave us the okay to go home. He told us that if Owen's fever came back over the weekend to go to an Urgent Care of ER. He also told us that we needed to have a follow up appointment on Monday. We thanked him and began to pack up our things and wait for Tyson to pick us up to go home. While we waited Owen rode one of the cars around the unit as all the nurses smiled and waved at him. He quickly got winded and so we decided to go downstairs to wait for Tyson. We said our good byes and headed down to meet Tyson. Tyson was there within minutes with a beef stick in hand and special drinks too.

 Owen was pretty happy to go home!

The doctor had told us that there is usually only a %20 chance of living after going into cardiac arrest and CPR being administered. We knew we were incredibly lucky. But I don't think it was luck. I know it was a miracle; a blessing given to us straight from Heavenly Father and his angels. This experience has strengthened my testimony a million times over. I hope I never forget the humility I felt in the moment, the comfort and peace Heavenly Father gave me to work through it and to stay calm for Owen. I don't ever want to forget the feelings of happiness as I rounded that corner in the ICU to see my little boy breathing and healthy. My Heavenly Father is personally involved in our lives. This accident happened for some horrible reason. It did, it happened. But Heavenly Father showed us that it wasn't supposed to end Owen's life. He showed us that that is not His plan. He has a greater plan for Owen and He made that very apparent to us that evening in the water, on the dock and through His angels. I am forever indebted to Him.

We are still trying to cope through this horrific experience. The emotions are like a rollercoaster. We feel anxiety and sadness often. But the minute I look at Owen, they are washed away. And the spirit fills my heart with peace and comfort. We are so grateful Owen does not remember anything from the accident. Rosie later said that he had slipped on the wet dock, trying to retrieve his fishing pole that had fallen in the water. The power of prayer is REAL. I know it saved our son and is still saving us. My Heavenly Father has not left me and I know He won't throughout our healing. The Savior knows my fears, my heartaches and it will be and is through Him and His atonement that we will heal. Healing is hard and we find ourselves waking up with nightmares and anxiety. But I know we will get through this and we have been blessed beyond measure. We are incredibly blessed. 

We have been blessed with a miracle.

 *One more note: We are seriously beyond grateful for our wonderful family and friends and even strangers, as well as the many angels who were among us during this time. We are humbled by your love and support for us. We can't even begin to describe and put into words our gratitude for us. We thank you and want you to know that what you have done for us means the world.

We love you.